Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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