New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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