just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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