My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
