i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
