is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
