so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry about my life...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
