it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
