so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
