My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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