You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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