yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
