make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
