ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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