I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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