anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
