Your face is a jimmy john
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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