So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
