i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
