WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
porn star boner night. come get it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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