he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
