I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
