Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
