Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
