just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Randomize
