why didn't you poke me back
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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