If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
