Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
