You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
