I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
