I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
