That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
