i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
