If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
