Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
