What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
