Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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