2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
