I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
