bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
