drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
