Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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