For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
