Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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