And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
