his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
