wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
