i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
