i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
