i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
