remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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